Freewill? Destiny? existential crisis, obviously.

Things I think about when I’m not thinking

I sometimes stare at the ceiling as the fan moves at a slow pace. There’s stillness in that moment, the kind that makes you go inward; and I think of every lazy decision I’ve taken.

I weigh the alternate realities of having taken a different decision when I was at crossroads and I wonder if I would’ve still been wondering had I chosen a different reality.

An alternate universe. Destiny. Freewill.

These three are my favourite playgrounds.

Am I supposed to be here? If not here, then where? Did I lose the opportunity because it wasn’t aligned? Or am I just stupid?

Am I the director of my life? Or simply a main character following the written script?

If everything is freewill, why isn’t life a linear equation of 1+1 = 2? Why does one path seem right at one moment but wrong in hindsight? It’s almost as if I’m always given just enough clarity to move forward but never enough to truly outmaneuver fate.

I think fate and freewill co-exist. I think freewill exists within the framework of destiny.

Recently, I have been really into the Mahabharata — studying the side plots, overanalysing the Shrimad Bhagavad Gita texts. One thing that I haven’t found an answer to yet is, Arjuna had Lord Krishna himself by his side, but still he lost his son Abhimanyu in the war.

It shouldn’t have been difficult for God to change destiny; after all, who else can do that? He must’ve known all that was gonna happen in the war. He could’ve saved the son of his beloved friend and disciple, Arjuna.

And yet he didn’t.

I could be completely wrong in my interpretation of this, but my humble understanding is that Krishna’s lesson wasn’t about preventing pain, but about not intervening in karmic consequences—personal or collective. Even with God beside you, some experiences must be lived through.

You will go through what you’re meant to grow through. There are no alternative realities about it. This is the one reality you get to live consciously. Fantasising about others is pointless because maybe this is what was meant to happen to you in every reality, just your reaction to it changes in the next one.

Maybe things that are out of your control will be out of your control in every reality. Things that are within your control, well, control it then. Make this the best reality. Stop looking at the ceiling as the fan moves slowly. Get up and do the thing that scares you, there’s probably your dream reality behind that fear.

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💛 A Little Note from Me

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